beginning excerpt from “An Understanding of Reproductive Health and Justice from a Grieving Mother”

April 27th, 2014

We looked at the pictures one of my nurses, Lisa, took of you tonight. You would have been a week old yesterday. It was hard to see you from different angles and to see our parents grieving over you, but I needed to know. I needed to know the totality of what we have of you. Now everything is accounted for. We have your little shirt and swaddling blanket, your crochet blanket, your beautiful locks of hair, the mold impressions of both feet, the ink impressions of both hands and feet, the little hat they first put on you, the ugly bonnet I took off the second they put it on, and a disc with 54 pictures. . .

*~*

A Letter to Pro-Lifers

October 5th, 2012

 

Dear Pro-Lifer,

Let’s get a few things straight so that we may discuss this sensitive and important topic without any lies or slander flying around. Abortion is a horrible thing to have to contemplate. It doesn’t matter which side of the issue you fall on, no one wants a single woman to find herself in a position where she is carrying an unwanted child, a child she fears she cannot care for, a child conceived because of rape, etc. So if you have ever thrown names like baby-haters or baby-killers at someone else – stop it. Being pro-choice does not mean being pro killing babies. You are the reason that ambiguity exists, because you didn’t have the decency to keep the facts straight. You allowed this significant little obscurity into the debate, and even supported it. How can we have a real discussion when we cannot stop playing the name game like fourth graders?

We have a common goal. We both want a world where abortions are a thing of the past, we just differ on how to get there. Now, virtually everyone out there has an opinion on abortion, and most people are passionate about their position. Imagine if both sides, all those people, were to realize the actuality of their goal—abortions no longer being a necessity—and work together to see it happen?

The women in these positions are pushed up against a wall. They are desperate and without help. They want to be strong, but there are too many things stacked against them. Do not condemn the woman who contemplates and eventually has an abortion in your god’s name; you do not know where she stands with god. Blame the system that did not support her enough to have the child. Blame the education system for not providing adequate means to prevent a child in the first place. Blame yourself; if you wanted her to have that baby, why did you not go to her, tell her that no matter what she was dealing with you would help her? Why were you not there for her?

At this point, you may feel personally attacked, and allow me to reassure you that is completely my intent. When I say you, I mean YOU. Not your political party, not your community or your church. You. You are to blame for her abortion. Your soul will bear the mark of her decision. Your conscious will be plagued by could-have-been’s. If you disagree with the way I have categorized you here then flame the hell out of me and then go do something about it! Please! You have let others represent you and these are the lies they have told to muddy the water. You are silent, and in the absence of voice you become a statistic, a number used to support ideas you had no part in creating. Feel appreciated?

We want a world where women’s inalienable rights to our own bodies are recognized and respected. You want a world where babies are not killed. The two are not mutually exclusive.

*~*

One of the biggest problems women by and large have with the reproductive health, contraceptives and abortions argument is that many of the people voicing their opinions should not be. Men speak often as if they have legitimate understanding of what it is to be a pregnant woman. Political men, ideological men, men who think they carry power enough to sway the world, men on the streets, men in their pulpits and the men in our lives. Everywhere an inkling of this discussion exists there exists a man who has never been pregnant and who has never been in an intimate relationship with a woman while she was pregnant, who feels justified in speaking his mind and demanding that his vision of the world be met.

Let me first establish my right to speak and write on these delicate and tremendously important topics. I am a woman. I am a woman who has periods and is biologically and physically capable of carrying and giving birth to a child. I am a woman who, in April of 2014, gave birth to a daughter who only lived for forty-seven minutes because her lungs were underdeveloped. I am an eternally-grieving mother who is still staunchly pro-choice. For those who have never lost a child, there are no words that I can write and you can read that can explain the agony, the never-ending totality of being without your child. Even carrying this grief as I do, though, and hating even more than I ever have the idea of a child lost, I still support each and every woman’s right to choose for herself if and when she will be a mother. My first question to you, as my reader, is simply this – do you still feel justified in voicing and attempting to force your opinion on another?